Each day I take 14 pills. I take them 4 times a day
spread out from 8:00 am to 3:00 am—yes, I wake up at 3:00!
Without these pills I wouldn’t be alive—I have to
take a blood thinning pill, a blood pressure pill, a statin for heart
issues and a post herpatic pill for nerve pain. Yes, I had shingles about 5
years ago. And then there are the supplemental
others…you don’t need to know the list.
Why do I mention this? Because I don’t want my
readers to think I’m unfamiliar with illness and the necessary requirements to
stay ‘healthy.’
When I entered what is called by astrologers the
Second Saturn Return at age 59, I began writing books. I willingly lived with a
schedule that got me up and at my writing desk at seven am most days. I gladly
pushed myself….the adrenaline was flowing, and many cups of coffee later I
ended up with four published books.
When I turned sixty-five, and too many cups of
coffee later, I began four years of dealing with the ‘demons’ brought about by too muchness—I was afflicted with issues
with the heart, the GI, and anxiety and insomnia brought about by 3 visits to
the ER due to uncontrolled blood pressure and atrial fibrillation. It was made
worse by a cardiologist who gave me even more dangerous pills than I needed. Gratefully,
my new cardiologist found the right combination of medicines—and I’m now “healthy.”
So does this qualify me to write a blog about
aging? Does seventy years and fourteen
pills help me to qualify?
Many of you know the story of Ram Dass, a spiritual
leader of many, and the author of “Be Here Now”. He was writing a book on aging when he was
sixty-three. One day, as he was laying down resting, the phone rang. It was his
publisher saying that his book was good; but not good enough; it lacked depth
and conviction. Puzzled, he laid down again and proceeded to have a major life
threatening stroke. For the next 5 years Ram Dass fought for his life and his
ability to speak again and finally emerged with a best-selling book called
“Still Here” which spoke to his experience of aging and illness. Now, he had no
lack of conviction.
Most of us don’t need to have a stroke of enormous “bad
luck” like that. But sometimes that is what it takes to do the humbling things
that age demands. In my case it was four years of illness and fourteen pills. For
Ram Dass it was a phoenix like recovery; a near death experience that took
enormous courage and work. Interesting though, he admitted that before the
stroke he knew he had high blood pressure and simply didn’t take the pills. Sometimes
it takes a lot to acquire “depth” and perhaps humility.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What were we not conscious of before we became ill?
What did we not want to admit? Was it tiredness or a deeper unwillingness to
slow down?
I believe the
grace of humility and consciousness can walk hand in hand as we age.
“When
an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside as fate.”
Carl Jung
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