Heaps of Hope

Every January I do some version of this: I vow to drink less, eat more leafy greens, exercise more and allow myself time for creative solitude: “Me time.” Sounds good, right?

And every year it kind of works. At least for a while…and something abides throughout the year. But…

…when I get on Face Book and see my friend vacationing in Morocco or starting her new business proving the medicinal values of mushrooms and making money at it, I wonder if my small efforts at self-improvement are worth feeling good about? It matters too, that a couple of my friends were diagnosed with cancer this year. It matters that another friend died. What is the story I’ll be telling myself this year?

I want to take a deep breath and hit the refresh button. I want to hear the whoosh of my text message sent off to the Universe. I want to know that the Universe will respond in a timely manner and I want my message to be fresh and full of the new freedom I feel inside.

I sense something in the collective psyche that says “You don’t have to compare yourself anymore…there is no “one size fits all road map” that you need to follow.

Basically, I am unsubscribing from SHOULD-ING on myself. I will eat leafy greens when I feel like it, and I know that one glass of wine is just perfect with dinner, not two. (But that’s me.) It’s true that I’m not great at yoga but I’m good enough at it to do it occasionally. My favorite exercise is still dog walking…and I know I won’t make any money on blogging, but I’m still going to do it. And I refuse to eat mushrooms that look like they belong underground with ringworms and earthworms.

So it may be small potatoes that I’ve started a blog this year or that I’m finally feeling healthy again, but for me it’s BIG. I can easily take time to turn solitude to creativity, and when I think of the choice for fear or for love, fear loses every time. It’s not that I don’t care about what’s happening in the world or the precipitousness of my age, but rather that it’s taken me to the age of seventy not to care any more about worrying and comparing.  Let them travel and eat fungi--! It’s my freedom that I’m staring at, and I’ve got heaps of hope for this new year.

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